Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Dear blog,
Yes, I'm on my school break already and yet I haven't had the urge to update this blog. It's not like I'm that busy, why yes I'm still fed up with extra intensive lessons and my paper revision and stuff, yet I find this holiday quite fulfilling. Thing is, I don't have much to write about. My life has been so flat and colorless lately. Well as always, those buddies of mine are one of the only few colors there are if there were even any colors. However, I consider this holiday quite a rest... even with all the worries that keep coming closer each day.
I'm so worried about the future, I'm trying hard not to depend on luck. But from what I've recently accomplished, they seem to happen by luck. Well maybe with a bit of effort to it. A bit.
I'm so unprepared. I pretend like I'm trying hard, but honestly I'm far from hard work. I hate myself for this. But what can I do?

I'm just blabbering. My point? None for today.

I know I owe this blog a lot. But to cover up the guilt, I've been updating my tumblr.

Blank Sheet
12/23/2009 10:29:00 PM

Blank Sheet

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The best feeling in the world is being a (best) friend for someone. And yes, it’s so much better than having one. The pleasure of being trusted, loving, and getting the chance to understand others is all there. What’s the use of having a friend when they don’t consider you as one? Being a friend of someone means someone considers you as one and so do you. But if you feel like you have a friend, it doesn’t always mean that they place you the same way.

One of the worst feelings in the world is losing a friend -from someone you’ve just known to daily buddies. I think it’s explanatory enough.

If it's your fault, then you've done some trouble there, buddy. But what if it's not? What would you do?..

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All there is for me to do is sigh.
If you're a true friend, you'll realize something's not right..

..and come back.

11/14/2009 09:56:00 AM


Saturday, November 7, 2009

Here you go, finally I got the chance to scan these.
Here are my 1st shots using Diana F+.
Mine's the El Toro edition, and I call him Torrey.

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Hope they aren't that bad for first tries.

The Alphas of My Torrey
11/07/2009 10:25:00 PM

The Alphas of My Torrey

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

So what's the dilly here? And no, I'm not yet awake. And I so do think that I will be stuck in this hibernation until the end of the school year. Or not even so. Let's put it until I start college. I feel so lost. I think I might have left myself somewhere. I think I might've got stuck somewhere. Where am I, really? Could you remind me again?

This last year of school seems to snatch my life away from me. 12th grade. Meaningful big number. It doesn't matter when, where, or what I do.. the thought of being a 12th grader won't get lost. I'm haunted by the fact that I'm facing the national examination soon and having these few unstable choices on where to go after graduating. Plus having one parent so focused on a certain hard-to-get university and the other suggesting to study abroad. Seriously, it can gradually become some kinda pressure.

No, I'm not stressed. Yet.
It's just irritating how I find myself losing fun and what there actually is to do in a good life. Never mind, that's not the part that bugs me. I still have time to enjoy going to places, hang out, and not give a damn about studying. But everytime I take those chances, they become guilty pleasures. That's what's irritating. It's like I'm instinctively constantly reminded I have to get some work done, and how it would be so much better if I had been studying instead, and how I would regret not using my free time wisely in the near (or not) future. I do hope my hard work will sum up to something that's worth it someday.

I know it's just the start. There' are no frequent tests that I'm facing yet (except for the upcoming mid-semester, which isn't anything frequent). But I'm the kind of person who easily panics. I tell you, that's so uncomfortable. Especially knowing all your weaknesses and worrying about them before you do anything to fix 'em and make yourself stronger. Oh i wish I could just find a way to calm myself. To me, any form of the future just feels so close, and it's like I have so little time to prepare. They come too fast, which makes me want to suck myself back to the past most times.

And here's how my desk looks like, studying goddamn biology. Bio is my favorite subject. But not today. We're dealing with a dreadful chapter. *Eukh*

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And this is good friend of mine, meet Math(ew).

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PS. Just got myself a Diana F+ and I'm so freakin eager to get the my 1st film developed which is so hard to get the chance -time & place- argh.

So Where Has She Been?
9/29/2009 09:45:00 PM

So Where Has She Been?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Yessss, I just turned 17 yesterday! Nothing feels that special though. It's just that everytime I look at that number, it seems like such a big number, well.. it seems like an old age to me. I still feel so immature for such an age and I'm still not used to the thought of two more years of teenage life. Ahh, I don't feel like I've grown a lot these past (highschool) years. I've been going through the same routines and nothing seems to be increasingly changing, although I know, I must've gone through some kind of growing changes somehow. Oh what an odd perspective, eh?

Anyway I just feel like sharing my day of turning seventeen. This year was surprisingly different from the past birthdays I've had. I've always wanted something offbeat, instead of feeling like having last year's birthday repeated the next year.
Usually, I would always celebrate it with my family even if it means I'd spend it with my friends later on that day. My mom would often bake me a birthday cake, or buy one if not necessary, and cook Nasi Kuning! haha yess... what a tradition we have for a family member's birthday! And oh, my dad would always know what I want for my birthday.. and I always have something I want for a present. Without telling my dad, the thing I wanted would show up on my birthday.

Well on my 17th year, I could say none of the above family-things ticked.
My, I had a hard time sleeping. My cold and sore throat was killing me which made it hard for me to fall asleep although I was so damn sleepy and that caused a headache. When I could finally start my sleep, I assume that was around after midnight, I heard a knock on my door... AHHHH! How nice :/

So yeah, 6 of my closest friends came in with those colorful candlelit cupcakes.. and yeah.. you know all the things they do in surprises. Well this one isn't off, I do get surprises the past years, with different packs of friends each year. Oh I like surprises, and I wanted one, to be honest, and I wouldn't cross this one out of my atypical birthday custom list, haha.

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They stayed up with me up until about 3 in the morning. Although it took up my heavenly sleeping hours, it was worth it. They did make my 1st happiness that day :) Anyway, I couldn't get back to sleep. I think it's the first time I've had up to only 2 hours of sleep all together. And it sure did make me feel so unwell for the rest of the day, letting me catch fever for some while.
Later that afternoon, I spent my time with the same people again. We went out for some movies and burgers and went to SSC for some chemistry lessons.

I spent my day with those favorite people of mine. And I realized that was about it. The simplest birthday of my life, yet somehow it didn't turn out to be my worst, in fact, not even close to! Yet not the best either. I somehow like how there's no birthday cake, leaving cupcakes as a change, no real gifts, leaving time with them something quite worthy for me -- oh I dont like crowds much (and no, I haven't been thinking about birthday bashes)-- and uncommonly, I have no birthday wish, as in presents. I don't feel like there's anything necessary I really want. But you know I'd always want to get accepted at ITB (no, I don't count that as a birthday wish).
The only unusual thing I dislike about this birthday was that I didn't get to see my dad. Still haven't met him today. And I find that I pretty much miss having a celebration with my family. Where as my mom and sisters left early in the morning to do their own things yesterday, while I was still trying hard to pay me back a nice sleep. *sigh*

By the way, you should check out a stopmotion video by Angga which he made for me. Nice present! haha
Not forgetting a big fat thank you to those 6 friends, who kept me from having a dull day :D

17, At Last
8/20/2009 10:17:00 AM

17, At Last

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Look, I found some more oldies!

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Let the bird fly. It's time for it to perch elsewhere.
Letting go doesn't always mean the end, for the experience and knowledge are as worthy as the run.

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It's safe and sound under the sea.
Deep down, noises are banned. Even dim echos are noiseless.
I don't want to know what you think, I think I have to continue my therapy.

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Just so you know, black
is a color.

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As long as there's art, I'm okay.
(at least that's what I think, for now)

Back with Color
8/18/2009 05:11:00 PM

Back with Color

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Have you ever felt like you're losing gravity? Like you can't stick to the ground and stand firm? Somethings are just not in place. It feels like falling, without gravity, you're falling up. And yes, I'm lost. I feel so off track.

It's been long since I've written anything on this dear blog. Inspite of all the busy-ness, I do not have much to write about. But no, I'm not tired of anything, yet. In fact I'm enjoying this point of the year... to be exact, this very point of my life.
I'm starting my senior year. Instead of thinking about how close separation and finals are, I consider this the start of the end.. which I still have a long way to go to pass the finish line. And during my run, I don't want to miss a single thing. I want to enjoy this last year of high school and finish it well along with the hard studies and concentration.

It's probably too early to talk about how I'm gonna miss things in my high school years. But I'm sure I am gonna miss everything. They were right, things just get better the further we go. Although the start seems to always give a little bit of doubt.
My elementary years, were awesome. Back then, I couldn't imagine a life better than what I'd had. But as I entered junior high (moved to a different school) I discovered that things do get better (although it was rough at first, adaptation = confusing and takes so long). The same goes for high school. I didn't think I'd get better friends than the ones I had had in junior high. But look at me now. There are actually people that I've known well for only 4 months that are now (i could say) my closest friends. I tell you, it feels like at least half a year that we've known each other. Dude I counted, I'm not mistaken.. solid friendship doesn't take that long to build up. That was just one cool thing I've discovered.

Lately, I've been afraid of the word "end". I've been into conversations about it so much; the end of anything, everything, different kinds of ends.When I get to that word I suddenly become afraid of reality. Anyway, what I'm saying is that I feel like things are just starting to get good, yet the end of it seems so near.

I wanna live in the clouds. Because sometimes I just can't face reality. Things get so unbelievable everytime I open my eyes, both good ways and bad. Sigh, Let's make a city in that cloudy skies, where it's easier to reach and pick up the stars at night.

Anyway this might've been totally random, I might just be typing myself to sleep with my current deep thoughts.

(Tomorrow I have to deal with numbers and formulas again.)
Like Starting from the Finish Line
8/08/2009 11:53:00 PM

Like Starting from the Finish Line

Thursday, July 2, 2009

That was the climax of my holiday so far. How's yours going?
Oh I am so in need of taking more photographs especially black-and-white's.
I'm in no mood for writing. There's not much to say about this monotone holiday.

P.S. How do you like the new look of my blog?

7/02/2009 10:24:00 PM


Saturday, June 20, 2009

Now I (am trying to) see the difference between a want and a need.
Well, at least I know there is a difference.

There are a lot of things I've been wanting real bad, nevertheless they're not what I actually need. But as time goes, I think that God wants me to think over the things I long. But doesn't it just hurt how hope seems to be dangling on a fish hook and seems like a bait, mocking at your face on purpose?

And that little fella above, is just one of those things I cherish. HELL, I WANT IT SO BAD! Someone found 2 little baby owls. They fell from a tree, I was told. And now they're being taken care of at this little house, 10 meters accross from my house. How could my sisters and I not want to keep them? Owls are one of my favorite birds, and here they are! They just happen to appear! Unfortunately.. my mom's one of those parents who's unpleased with furry pets - or in this case: feathered ones. That's why we only have fish and turtles at home :(

Oh please, ma! Change your mind. This is a rare chance, we get.
Those frightened fellas need me.
I think I need them too. Do I?
Or tell me, is this only a want?

A Little Featherball
6/20/2009 09:18:00 PM

A Little Featherball

Saturday, May 16, 2009


I can't believe I'll be a Senior soon! Let's think about it as almost 11 years of school have passed!
Currently, I've been enjoying school so much. I've always liked going through the second year, both junior high and high school. Because you're no newbie no more, and you just get the best of everything, the i-own-the-school feeling occurs most in the 2nd year.. well that's so, for me.

Now.. 3rd year: you face all those stinkin' exams, although it's pretty much all that you go through.. you just cross your heart and hope you'll pass every door you tried to unlock. Oh well, no time to go through all that now. I'll go through all the stress later (hope it won't be as struggling as I think).

Anyway, I have 2 tests coming up on Monday, And I'm supposed to, well I've planned to study since Friday, but............... yeah, I just can't get myself to do it. Oh, procrastination. I do hope I'd have plenty of time and the actual guts to start memorizing those papers tomorrow, and that my family wouldn't be wandering around the city which usually draws me to come with, which I'd be leaving the wanting-to-be-read notes lying, or actually still packed in my school bag. But most likely they're gonna go do that, cause my dad just got a new car.
One other possibility of leaving me such little time to study is... if I wake up real late, like at noon.. Which is also most likely to happen, cause I'm still typing this crap this second.

Skyave designs are in the way. Though it isn't as hectic as before, I can see orders perching soon, though. The works seem endless, it's gonna take up some of my peaceful-home-no-school-quality time. 

Okay, a couple more weeks of assignments and exams left (an applause would be welcomed) and... (I think it's too early to write about vibes of school break and vacation.. so I'll add on to that some time later) I guess I'm just to jumpy about getting school over with :D

Thin Pile of Work Left
5/16/2009 11:28:00 PM

Thin Pile of Work Left

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I'm mad. I just am.
I don't know what I've done wrong, or have I just been too commendable for it?
If patience isn't enough, then what is?

4/29/2009 07:07:00 PM


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I was looking at pictures of hippopotami. I've been somewhat-obsessed with hippos since 6th grade. Even though I know they're big, fur-less, uncute, and could be harmful. But they're not just big, furless, uncute, harmful animals.. at least I don't see them that way. So I begin to try to recall on how I fell in love with these creatures. Well.. How do you fall in love with anything?

It's late.. but since that question suddenly popped up in my mind, I can't help typing on.

Well you might remember how you fall in love with that something or someone... as in when, what happened before or after you started having the feeling, and so on. But do you exactly remember how? Well as it goes for me, likable things just come unreasonably in a blink without priorly giving me the chance to feel it knocking on the door.

My sisters? I don't know how or why exactly I love them. But all I know.. is I do love them. A lot. And so goes for the rest of the family.

Purple. I don't knooow why I love purple. And maybe by next year, I'd have a different favorite color. Who knows? I used to love red a lot..

Architecture & photography.. or art to be exact. Admit it, you don't know why, but you just adore those lomographs, those paintings hanging on your dentist's walls, those modern weird-looking buildings, or even being proud of the origami your 5-year old sister made.

Maybe some of you highschoolers have thought about your future. What you want to be later on. How do you decide on becoming a doctor? Do you just like suddenly want it that bad?

How about the guy you see in the hallway everyday? How exactly did you fall in love with him? Is it simply just because you've ran into each other once? He helped you with killing math problems? He rocked the stage at the last gig? He kissed you during truth-or-dare? Cause your lockers are next to each other? Or is he just plain charming? Honestly, I know that's about it we can know.. or remember. But what does running into each other really matter, if there aren't any other factors that can actually make you fall? And helping with schoolwork.. he's just trying to show how smart he is, is that why you're blown away? C'mon there must be something else..
Or do you just suddenly fall in love with a stranger.. or back to love at first sight? That's my question.. haha. I'm just curious.

Okay, I'm speaking of the L word again, it bores me too. Who knows, maybe you might also start to wonder why you keep those postcard collections in the first place, why you painted your room blue, and why you asked for that cute baby siberian husky. Why?

Just How Exactly Do You Fall?
4/21/2009 11:59:00 PM

Just How Exactly Do You Fall?

Saturday, March 28, 2009

It was a Tuesday morning. My mom was still in Surabaya. I wasn't fully willing to go to school, cause as always, this head stays as a sleephead, but at 6 am, I arrived at school. Half an hour later the daily melody played (no it wasn't a bell) and first block started; biology. The teacher didn't come to class to teach, but to leave. She gave the class an assignment, which kinda meant free time. So I was sitting there on my stool, wishing my seagreen cardigan were thicker, and didn't dare to move to do the assignment, yet. But I thought if i got it done fast, than i could take little nap after. So I got out a piece of paper and was about to start, but I realized I didn't know exactly what I was supposed to do. I found others waiting for the smart kiddos to finish, so that they'll look at those and copy. So I thought I might as well do the same. Hell no I was in no mood.

Soooo as I was waiting, I checked my phone, 2 missed calls from Daddy. This past week I was always frightened to open messages or to pick up calls from a family member. I wanted to avoid receiving the bad news. Anyway, 2 calls from Dad? It must be some important thing. So I texted him and asked why he called.
My phone vibrated. And I opened the message. There.. The bad news I've been unwantingly expected. I couldn't bear to read it more than once. It said that my Grandma (mom's mom) died, and that my dad's going to Surabaya.
Why, could I stand being at school the whole day ? Hell no... I wanted to come too. I've been wanting to go there and meet my grandma. She'd been in the hospital for over a week, and it didn't sound like she was gonna get any better. So I thought I wanted to see her just one last time before she goes. And now look, I wasn't able to do that. That's the saddest part.
My dad says if I wanted to go with, I had to take a taxi home. So I did. Once I got home, I only had time to change, and all my bags were already packed by my sister. So then my dad, my sisters and I took off.

Once we reached Surabaya we took a taxi to my Grandparents'. We were told to go inside the house right away, before getting to do anything else. In the living room, I saw the body. I stepped closer and saw her face, right at that point I felt myself the weakest. I dropped myself and kneeled beside her and burst into tears. I couldn't believe that it was HER laying in front of me. I never got to say goodbye, I never got to say I loved her back enough, oh how I wished I could wake her up. Memories of her flashed through my mind like lightning, just all the things I could remember right that moment. I hurts, yes still hurts as I write this. I've cried when she was still tied to bed in 3 different hospitals, suffering from pain. And now? I still can't believe the worst just happened. Still crying beside her, I held my dad's arm as tight as ever. And they started carrying her to the cemetery, ready for burial. And yes, I had to watch the whole process. It was the first time for me, ever. And in that next moment, I still couldn't believe that it's that dear loving grandmother of mine, who passed away, or at that time, being burried. I spent 3 days in Surabaya. And for the rest of my time there, everytime I start the day, I ask myself again why I was there, and each time I answer myself, I still couldn't believe it. Any of it. But I knew I wasn't dreaming, the things that happened before me were all a part of reality.

Eyang Ti, so I call my grandma, couldn't be anymore caring and loving to all her grandchildren. She was a big lady, if you see what I mean, and she was really huggable to me when I was a little kid. I only come to Surabaya once a year.. well maybe twice.. and everytime I go there my allergies takes over. And she'd give me my medicine, such as eyedrops, weird eardrops and all those weird things. The last couple years she had started walking with a cane, and even so.. everytime I come to her place, she'd generously make food for me, and no, I didn't ask for it.

When my mom calls her from Jakarta, I'd talk to her too. She'd always alwaaays give me advice. She'd always tell me to do good in school, to stay healthy, and my favorite was.. to reach all my academic dreams, and she'd say she knows that I'd get into any major I wanted. When she says things like that, whatever it is I wanted always came true; getting into the highschool I wanted, getting into IPA and a lot more. When I heard her say that right after any pessimistic thoughts I got, I'd feel so positive in anything I was doing, even when it seemed so impossible to me before. But now the most supportive person I've ever known isn't there anymore. Just how broken it makes me feel. Oh yea, even on her birthday, when my mom called. I was supposed to be the one wishing her all the good things, to get well soon and all (I did). But she took over most of the time on the line to wish me the usual things she'd wish on a normal phone call. That just showed how much she really cared, and I feel like I couldn't show as much care and love as I was supposed to.

But thinking positively, this might be better for her, and she might deserve all this, instead of laying in bed with all kinds of illness for yeaaarrss. She can smile til forever now :)

I'll always pray for you grandma, I love you, I'm sorry I never got to show that as much as you've showed me. A fling of regret hits me, but as they say.. regrets in cases like these are useless and meaningless. Rest in peace, Yang! :')

I Saw Warmth Through Those Wrinkles
3/28/2009 02:37:00 PM

I Saw Warmth Through Those Wrinkles

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Have you ever thought about..
the craziest fads, perhaps? 

Flagpole SittingThis fad became a popular spectator sport. It was started by a pro stuntman who eventually set the world record at 49 days.Pez
- In 1927, Eduard Haas, an Austrian candy executive, developed a small candy mint which he called PEZ (short for pfefferminz, the German word for peppermint). The peppermint candies were stored in a small tin and sold fairly well for more than 20 years. Initially it was marketed as a tasty alternative to cigarettes for adults attempting to quit smoking.

More than 3 billion PEZ candies are consumed each year and is sold in more than 60 countries around the world but the candies have become almost a secondary item serving as an accessory for the dispensers of which more than 300 have been issued.

Johnny on a Pony
A game played outdoor with multiple participants, also known as buck buck. Over the years the rules might have slightly changed but the concept is still the same.
...Or also known as.. "Kuda Tomplok?" haha

Swallowing Goldfish - A fad that was very popular among college students and drew crowds of spectators who wanted to witness this.Bubble Gum Cigars
Gum shaped to look like cigars (some even had a pink tip, to look like they were lit).

Tie Dye T-shirts- Nothing said 'psychedelia' better than the rainbow explosion of swirling colors and bold designs of the ancient art of tie-dye.Granny Glasses
Was once a fashion statement of vibrant youth, also known as Ben Franklin glasses. First appeared in the 60's in California. Adorned by such famous faces as John Lennon and Roger McGuinn. Within about 2 years from its beginning, the granny glasses had soon died out, and became undecidedly cool.

Smiley faces
Started in 1963 by creator H.R. Ball. He was working in Massachusetts for an ad agency when one of his clientele asked him to come up with a way to soothe employees. He was only paid $45 for the drawing, which he never trademarked. The Smiley Face has appeared on millions of items since, including a United States postage stamp.

Mood Rings
The famous black oval ring that changed colors when the mood of the person changed. As the moods of society changed, someone thought we needed a way to monitor this change. Tada - the birth of the mood ring.

These wide-legged pants were derived from Navy styled uniforms and became very popular with the young society in the 1960's. Elvis Presley, Sonny and Cher helped make bellbottoms a fashion statement for the hippies and counter-culture audience. They were typically made of denim until they were produced with corduroy and polyester so they could be worn in any situation. Bellbottoms were still popular in the 1970's during the disco years and even in the 1990's when the Gen X crowd was wearing them to be cool too.

Streaking- The craze of taking off all clothes and running across the field at major sporting events.


The use of the word "NOT!" was spoken in exclamation. For example:

Bob: Hey Mike, do you like my new Vans shoes?
Mike: Yes, they are totally rad!.
Bob: Reall
Mike: Not!

Care Bears

Colorful, adorable, furry friends with a caring mission. These cute bears taught us how to care. Every bear came with a bright colored tummy picture that told who they were and what their special area of caring was.

Hyper-Color Shirts

No images

These were shirts that changed color with temperature change.

This word was used very often during the 80's. It was used as another way to tell someone you were just kidding or pulling their leg about something. For example:
Larry: Hey Bob, who did you buy that ice cream for?
Bob: I bought it for you.
Larry: Really??
Bob: PSYCHE!! ...I bought it for me!

Friendship Bracelets
Friendship bracelets came in bright colors, vibrant woven patterns, beautiful glass beadwork and NFL football team names and colors. Still love 'em these days, don't you? I do.. makin' em is quite something to do when yer bored.

Slap Bracelets

A flexible metal with a colorful cloth over it. You would smack these on your wrist and it would wr
ap around it.

Gigapets / Tomogatchi

Very popular little electronic device that needed to be feed and cared for. If not then it would die. Kids used to carry them around everywhere they went.

Push Pops
Lollypops that would be in almost a lipstick tube type container you would push at the bottom to get the lollypop to get out of the tube. This pushing in the tube made your finger all sticky. - still love em
The Macarena

During the 90's you couldn't turn on the tv, radio or go to parties without hearing this song. People would dance The Macarena to the song made popular by Los Del Rio.

Beanie Babies

As one of the most popular, endearing and widespread fads of the last 25 years, one would imagine that Beanie Babies must have some type of unique and incredible attributes. Instead, they are simply small, inexpensively priced, stuffed animals with a tag stating the animal's name and birth date. Despite logic, the stuffed animals created an almost cutthroat collecting frenzy, which inadvertently spawned magazines, websites and fan clubs. UHUH, they're totally cute, I've always wanted the hippo and 
the unicorn!

Online Slang In Speech

People have started to use internet lingo in their everyday speech. For example instead of saying "Oh My Gosh!" They would instead say "OMG" or "BRB" instead of "Be Right Back". C'mon! You know 'em..

American Idol
A smash hit reality series on FOX in which contestants tryout to be the next superstar singing sensation. After the blowout first season captured a massive audience and produced pop singer Kelly Clarkson, now thousands tryout and millions watch at home. Many call in and vote near the end of the series. It is a popular tv show that is interactive and viewers get to choose the next superstar.

Fantasy Leagues
Sports fans all around the nation are taking part in the hottest new craze. Its called Fantasy Leagues. Whether you prefer hockey, footbal, or baseball there is a league for you somewhere. You can join a public league or a private league with your friends. The object is to draft players and creating a starting lineup (daily or weekly) then you get points based on how your drafted players do in the real professional sport. You can play rotisserie or head to head. You can trade players, sign free agents, or drop players, your the manager of your own team. Thanks to popularity, televised sports games now have stat trackers during games and at halftime.

mp3's / mp3 players (iPod)Thanks to filesharing and online music stores such as iTunes, people are now uploading all their music to their MP3 players instead of carrying around cassettes or cd's. Most mp3 players can hold several hours of music. Haha so.. doh.

Napolean Dynamite
In 2004, this hit movie caused a cult following. DVD sales for this flick were astounding! In early 2005, the search term 'Napolean Dynamite' was a top phrase searched for according to Yahoo! Youngsters were wearing T-Shirts that read, "Vote For Pedro". There has even been talk about a sequel to this movie, or perhaps a prequel.

Anything you might want to add? Can't wait to see what fads are in the next century... Flying scooters to avoid traffic jams? Hmm.. or maybe people would start to sell Money Tree seeds? Maybe you'll start a new fad yourself. Spit some ideas on me.

3/22/2009 06:17:00 PM


Thursday, March 5, 2009

Trying to be wise
But instead I caught up with lies
The thought became melting ice
Still, can't be bought with such a price
Why is it always so hard for me
Yet others posses it easily

I whine I cry I sweat
Yet they don't give on how I felt
Again why don't they have to try hard
To gain such and various awards
All along patience waited on the edge
But soon I must pass on my own pledge

So I have to think it over
Gradually letting in the chance remover
Cause I might not want it that bad
From what I've been through and what I had
It's the same pattern, same old scene
So I probably ain't so keen
And just watch it
Is it worth it?
I'm much better than that
I know.
It's just another guilt, fakely intoxicating

...I smile as I read what I was stating :)
A Slight Rush in Mind
3/05/2009 09:36:00 PM

A Slight Rush in Mind

Monday, February 23, 2009

Another post. My goals for today weren't fulfilled. Argh... I'm just not in the mood. I wish time could be extended, and it can go however i like it to go.. but it's reality maaaa'am.. and I'm getting tired of it. Today, writing my thoughts down seem to be the best way to let it all out. Writing... err typing. I don't wanna do anything else. Because today... I've discovered something. Yes another one of those things that won't stop rolling around my head. What the hell are you???? Let's say it's some object. Let's call it J. I don't know what it wants. I've been trying to figure it out for months and months.. but noooooo answer has come to me. Or maybe just when I thought I could make some theories on it... the next day things prove it wrong. The day after that, things begin to strenghten the theories I had 2 days before. The next, somehow my theories ought to be wrong. And it keeps going on like that over and over through the week, months... please don't let it reach a year. I wanna know what J wants and what J has in mind all this time. I'm tired of waiting for an explanation. Jeesh.. it's disturbing.

Other than that. I've discovered something else. It's a bit corny and stale though. I feel so loved lately. Haha. And I needed that for times like these. I'm tired of regular days that's been flipping through my life. Thinking through the same thoughts each day, related to the paragraph above. With friends or even people I know least in view, I feel so shielded.. nah that's not it... err.. fenced in by people who could think of me, who cares to make me laugh, and just to start a conversation when there's just nothing else to keep my mind distracted, once again, from things I've mentioned in the paragraph before.

To feel loved, I need to love. And that's what I've been trying to do to my friends. I try to be more patient to all and to forgive easily. Has it shown yet? I wanna treasure what the present has for me, because I recall I've cried about having this in days long ago. God listens, you know.

And one more thing. I need to control myseeeeeelf! I'm going too over on everything. When I get moody and pissed, I'd get too quiet and that keeps making people ask what's going on, when it's not that bad at all.. which means I normally go too hyper which isn't good either. I realize I can't stay somewhere in the middle.. and I want to. I want to be the someone that I'd like if I were someone else. Or... hmm how should I put it. I'd like to have in me the things I'd like to see in someone else. Get it? You better. So I don't care if they like it or not, I must like it myself first to apply it. That goes for every part of me. What I am, things I like, and things I say. It's gotta be like that from now on.

Of course, people have inspirations... but that doesn't mean it makes you be exactly like it is. It's just one of the pieces that help build you. Aside from friends which are your surroundings. Who your friends are affect you, I believe that. So I don't want to have friends from just one kind of circle, cause I don't want to be categorized absolutely. To me, having friends from different sides and edges, can construct and influence a... "me" for a whole new me, that you can't classify to any circle existed. I like to connect to different kinds of surroundings. Then I'd have different discussions, thoughts, and feelings over different ideas. That makes me happy. Varieties keep my thoughts and creativity going. So now's when you get the idea of "me". And do I have inspirations and muses? Plenty.

I know i'm alone if i'm with or without you,
But just being around you offers me another form of relief
When the loneliness leads to bad dreams,
And the bad dreams lead me to calling you,
And i call you and say "c'mere!"

And it's bad news, baby i'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news

This has been spinning in my head for over a week now... yay Rilo Kiley!

Define Recent Ideation
2/23/2009 07:37:00 PM

Define Recent Ideation

Monday, February 9, 2009

It was only a glance
I started to observe
The unfamiliar cold in my nerve
began to spread and rush and prance

Still I couldn't define
What was in you or what you had
That kept me wondering, got me mad
Must've been catchy, must've shined

It had to be grand
In some way I can't put to sense
Though there's something my heart's against
Still, foreign whispers tell me you're a worthy brand

I stare at walls and shut windows
Blinded and locked too long in shadows
Your cons mean not a single thing
When one thing shows you're an adorable being
I forget the ugly and all the rest
Somehow you won't slip to second best

Even if you throw blades along with your words
Even if you ignore or pretend and act absurd
Or if you only put me as a crumb in your cookie
If I'd know you're trying to let me know I won't be lucky

And if right this second I wish I could hate you,
I wish I could've taken a careful look at the ground
So I wouldn't have fallen, fallen for you

I wish you weren't so amazing,
how's that sound?
Your smile's fire, fire blazing,
how's that sound?
Pictures of you in mind
Fantasy spins me round
When is it will you find
I care in such an amount

Will one day you'll do the same?
Or do I have to just keep my walk in shame?

I can see you smile
from all the way accross the sea
And I feel lifted for a while
Your voice is such an alert
A call for attention that hits me
I have response to blurt
But I guess, you'll never ask for it
Not from me

You make me enjoy this
Even if all I get is the same pace
The same things happen each day
all over again

You make me adjust to this
Just by seeing your bright face
You could simply make my day
then it's over again

I can't imagine myself stop
You're still what's on top
And you're not just for fun
The past insults you've done
Were easily washed away
By one single smile
How I wish for you to go away
But I'd have to wait a long while

Oh i so think my head's like a fishtank. With all the fishes swimming around in different directions - that would be my thoughts. Why have I been thinking too much about everything lately?
Anyway, Japri also inspired me somehow with all his song listings. Go J!

My Head's a Fishtank
2/09/2009 07:12:00 PM

My Head's a Fishtank

Saturday, January 24, 2009

I've been sick these last 3 days. It started with a high fever, and I'm not liking it. Not the right timing at all.. I'm supposed to be off to Jogja on Monday evening.. so I better get weeeeell soooooon! Oh God, please let me.

So today I'm actually taking care of my boredom. I was digging through my old stuff. I found some things I created years ago... It's funny you know, some of them make me go 'whoa was that me who made it?!' that could mean from.. ew to that's coolness! or just this is damn nonsense. But honestly, I haven't been really poetic or to be exact really creative... these last few years. These old things I found remind me I used to always write down my thoughts and feelings anyhow.. usually they were songs for people I love, or even sketches of people I hate (I know too much for me to even care). Well I just wanna share some.. *darn it i lost the date on most of it

Note: some may be a little gushy and wtf-y but oh well.. I'm 16 now, and how old was I a few years ago? :)

Ich kann dich nicht vergessen, du bist immer in meinen gedanken; a
lle gedanken in meinem kopf werden mit bildern von dir abgebildet,
... Es kommt einfach zu mir um mich zu belästige
n weil es mir scmerzt wenn ich and dich denke.. Aber irgendwie, gibt es mir einen grund zum weinen, zum leben, und zu lieben.
Obwohl di ehrinnerungen nicht erzetzt w
erden können, kann ich immer noch lächeln wenn ich mich and deine lächeln erinnere.Danke dass du mich bemerkt hast, obwohl ich es nie realisiert habe. du warst der einzige der mich zum tiefsten loch bewahrt hat. Du hast mir auf geholfen, du hast mich unterhalten, du hast mich wieder zum lächeln gebracht!

Can't believe I really felt that way.. I mean when I read it now.. it seems soo... deep. Like I sank into my feelings.. whoa. For whoever that was.. I don't understand what you had, man.. ckck.


I'm inside this circle
A forever-lasting
Only breakable by a miracle
And it's such a fogged up scenery

I always thought I was happy
But there would always be som
ething missingMaybe I need a therapy
Critics don't make me feel alright
I'll travel throu
gh space
And when I come bac
Everything better be back in place


I'll scribble on my wall
Cause that's how you can tell
Whether or not I'm crazy..

Trip me and let me

Then I can tell
If I'm standing on solid ground
Take it or leave it all
Then let's go and see
If you'd turn around

Seal your lips,
I know you're trying to thi
nk of excuses
No words ski
You're trying to distract me with muses
But'm not gonna fall for that


Pointless, Thoughtless, I guess
1/24/2009 11:02:00 AM

Pointless, Thoughtless, I guess