Thursday, August 20, 2009

17, At Last

Yessss, I just turned 17 yesterday! Nothing feels that special though. It's just that everytime I look at that number, it seems like such a big number, well.. it seems like an old age to me. I still feel so immature for such an age and I'm still not used to the thought of two more years of teenage life. Ahh, I don't feel like I've grown a lot these past (highschool) years. I've been going through the same routines and nothing seems to be increasingly changing, although I know, I must've gone through some kind of growing changes somehow. Oh what an odd perspective, eh?

Anyway I just feel like sharing my day of turning seventeen. This year was surprisingly different from the past birthdays I've had. I've always wanted something offbeat, instead of feeling like having last year's birthday repeated the next year.
Usually, I would always celebrate it with my family even if it means I'd spend it with my friends later on that day. My mom would often bake me a birthday cake, or buy one if not necessary, and cook Nasi Kuning! haha yess... what a tradition we have for a family member's birthday! And oh, my dad would always know what I want for my birthday.. and I always have something I want for a present. Without telling my dad, the thing I wanted would show up on my birthday.

Well on my 17th year, I could say none of the above family-things ticked.
My, I had a hard time sleeping. My cold and sore throat was killing me which made it hard for me to fall asleep although I was so damn sleepy and that caused a headache. When I could finally start my sleep, I assume that was around after midnight, I heard a knock on my door... AHHHH! How nice :/

So yeah, 6 of my closest friends came in with those colorful candlelit cupcakes.. and yeah.. you know all the things they do in surprises. Well this one isn't off, I do get surprises the past years, with different packs of friends each year. Oh I like surprises, and I wanted one, to be honest, and I wouldn't cross this one out of my atypical birthday custom list, haha.



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They stayed up with me up until about 3 in the morning. Although it took up my heavenly sleeping hours, it was worth it. They did make my 1st happiness that day :) Anyway, I couldn't get back to sleep. I think it's the first time I've had up to only 2 hours of sleep all together. And it sure did make me feel so unwell for the rest of the day, letting me catch fever for some while.
Later that afternoon, I spent my time with the same people again. We went out for some movies and burgers and went to SSC for some chemistry lessons.

I spent my day with those favorite people of mine. And I realized that was about it. The simplest birthday of my life, yet somehow it didn't turn out to be my worst, in fact, not even close to! Yet not the best either. I somehow like how there's no birthday cake, leaving cupcakes as a change, no real gifts, leaving time with them something quite worthy for me -- oh I dont like crowds much (and no, I haven't been thinking about birthday bashes)-- and uncommonly, I have no birthday wish, as in presents. I don't feel like there's anything necessary I really want. But you know I'd always want to get accepted at ITB (no, I don't count that as a birthday wish).
The only unusual thing I dislike about this birthday was that I didn't get to see my dad. Still haven't met him today. And I find that I pretty much miss having a celebration with my family. Where as my mom and sisters left early in the morning to do their own things yesterday, while I was still trying hard to pay me back a nice sleep. *sigh*


By the way, you should check out a stopmotion video by Angga which he made for me. Nice present! haha
Not forgetting a big fat thank you to those 6 friends, who kept me from having a dull day :D


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Back with Color


Look, I found some more oldies!

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Let the bird fly. It's time for it to perch elsewhere.
Letting go doesn't always mean the end, for the experience and knowledge are as worthy as the run.




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It's safe and sound under the sea.
Deep down, noises are banned. Even dim echos are noiseless.
I don't want to know what you think, I think I have to continue my therapy.




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Senseless.
Just so you know, black
is a color.


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As long as there's art, I'm okay.
(at least that's what I think, for now)



Saturday, August 8, 2009

Like Starting from the Finish Line


Have you ever felt like you're losing gravity? Like you can't stick to the ground and stand firm? Somethings are just not in place. It feels like falling, without gravity, you're falling up. And yes, I'm lost. I feel so off track.

It's been long since I've written anything on this dear blog. Inspite of all the busy-ness, I do not have much to write about. But no, I'm not tired of anything, yet. In fact I'm enjoying this point of the year... to be exact, this very point of my life.
I'm starting my senior year. Instead of thinking about how close separation and finals are, I consider this the start of the end.. which I still have a long way to go to pass the finish line. And during my run, I don't want to miss a single thing. I want to enjoy this last year of high school and finish it well along with the hard studies and concentration.

It's probably too early to talk about how I'm gonna miss things in my high school years. But I'm sure I am gonna miss everything. They were right, things just get better the further we go. Although the start seems to always give a little bit of doubt.
My elementary years, were awesome. Back then, I couldn't imagine a life better than what I'd had. But as I entered junior high (moved to a different school) I discovered that things do get better (although it was rough at first, adaptation = confusing and takes so long). The same goes for high school. I didn't think I'd get better friends than the ones I had had in junior high. But look at me now. There are actually people that I've known well for only 4 months that are now (i could say) my closest friends. I tell you, it feels like at least half a year that we've known each other. Dude I counted, I'm not mistaken.. solid friendship doesn't take that long to build up. That was just one cool thing I've discovered.

Lately, I've been afraid of the word "end". I've been into conversations about it so much; the end of anything, everything, different kinds of ends.When I get to that word I suddenly become afraid of reality. Anyway, what I'm saying is that I feel like things are just starting to get good, yet the end of it seems so near.

I wanna live in the clouds. Because sometimes I just can't face reality. Things get so unbelievable everytime I open my eyes, both good ways and bad. Sigh, Let's make a city in that cloudy skies, where it's easier to reach and pick up the stars at night.


Anyway this might've been totally random, I might just be typing myself to sleep with my current deep thoughts.

(Tomorrow I have to deal with numbers and formulas again.)