Monday, February 23, 2009

Define Recent Ideation
2/23/2009 07:37:00 PM

Define Recent Ideation

Another post. My goals for today weren't fulfilled. Argh... I'm just not in the mood. I wish time could be extended, and it can go however i like it to go.. but it's reality maaaa'am.. and I'm getting tired of it. Today, writing my thoughts down seem to be the best way to let it all out. Writing... err typing. I don't wanna do anything else. Because today... I've discovered something. Yes another one of those things that won't stop rolling around my head. What the hell are you???? Let's say it's some object. Let's call it J. I don't know what it wants. I've been trying to figure it out for months and months.. but noooooo answer has come to me. Or maybe just when I thought I could make some theories on it... the next day things prove it wrong. The day after that, things begin to strenghten the theories I had 2 days before. The next, somehow my theories ought to be wrong. And it keeps going on like that over and over through the week, months... please don't let it reach a year. I wanna know what J wants and what J has in mind all this time. I'm tired of waiting for an explanation. Jeesh.. it's disturbing.

Other than that. I've discovered something else. It's a bit corny and stale though. I feel so loved lately. Haha. And I needed that for times like these. I'm tired of regular days that's been flipping through my life. Thinking through the same thoughts each day, related to the paragraph above. With friends or even people I know least in view, I feel so shielded.. nah that's not it... err.. fenced in by people who could think of me, who cares to make me laugh, and just to start a conversation when there's just nothing else to keep my mind distracted, once again, from things I've mentioned in the paragraph before.

To feel loved, I need to love. And that's what I've been trying to do to my friends. I try to be more patient to all and to forgive easily. Has it shown yet? I wanna treasure what the present has for me, because I recall I've cried about having this in days long ago. God listens, you know.

And one more thing. I need to control myseeeeeelf! I'm going too over on everything. When I get moody and pissed, I'd get too quiet and that keeps making people ask what's going on, when it's not that bad at all.. which means I normally go too hyper which isn't good either. I realize I can't stay somewhere in the middle.. and I want to. I want to be the someone that I'd like if I were someone else. Or... hmm how should I put it. I'd like to have in me the things I'd like to see in someone else. Get it? You better. So I don't care if they like it or not, I must like it myself first to apply it. That goes for every part of me. What I am, things I like, and things I say. It's gotta be like that from now on.

Of course, people have inspirations... but that doesn't mean it makes you be exactly like it is. It's just one of the pieces that help build you. Aside from friends which are your surroundings. Who your friends are affect you, I believe that. So I don't want to have friends from just one kind of circle, cause I don't want to be categorized absolutely. To me, having friends from different sides and edges, can construct and influence a... "me" for a whole new me, that you can't classify to any circle existed. I like to connect to different kinds of surroundings. Then I'd have different discussions, thoughts, and feelings over different ideas. That makes me happy. Varieties keep my thoughts and creativity going. So now's when you get the idea of "me". And do I have inspirations and muses? Plenty.

I know i'm alone if i'm with or without you,
But just being around you offers me another form of relief
When the loneliness leads to bad dreams,
And the bad dreams lead me to calling you,
And i call you and say "c'mere!"

And it's bad news, baby i'm bad news
I'm just bad news, bad news, bad news

This has been spinning in my head for over a week now... yay Rilo Kiley!


dijelennon said...

itu gambar buatan lo ndra? KEREN ABIS

Dea said...

aduh andra nyeni parah deh looooo hahaha sumpah cool bgt gambarnyaaa

Andra said...

itu isenki to the fullest people! tulisannya aja kagak jelas.. apa coba 'a rat shines brighter than fake' hakakak thx anyway deh

Anonymous said...

ah lundiii i always love your artworks huhu

Andra said...

awhh thanks..and I'd always adore yours!:D (who wouldn't)

bey said...

you're soooooooo not going to call that 'iseng', and i fully understood about the meaning of the quote

Andra said...

ahaha.. which quote kak?

bey said...

the 'rats shone brighter than fakes', thats just right