Talkless Side

Ideation

As strange as it is, there are some things in people you can't change.

Have you ever wanted to be someone? Like the someone you have in mind. How you want yourself to be. I don't necessarily mean an image of someone else you would like to be, but an image of yourself. An image of yourself doing the things you wished you could do, act the way you wish you could, look the way you wish you could, and so on.

And yes, I honestly do.

Or let's switch it around and say... you picture someone who you would never wanna be. An image of yourself that is least you. So you try to avoid that personality, behavior, look, and whatever you consider negative.

Don't people always have an idea of themselves? How they imagine themselves being a unique being, as individuals. Some people try hard to build up certain personalities, where the effort really shows. Maybe to other people, being that obvious means they don't seem to be themselves.

This is probably just a random thought coming from a person that is hard on changes like me.

Yes, most times, I hate changes. I don't really adapt easily. I am really quiet around people I don't know or any unfamiliar surrounding. It comes naturally. Either I'm afraid to speak and say the wrong things or the words simply just wouldn't come out. But other times, even when i'm around strangers, yet the condition seems enjoyable, I would speak out anything i have in mind. Literally anything there is.

This is probably why there are a lot of people who seem to misjudge me at first impressions. I'm not that good at revealing the person I really am. And I don't do so on purpose, clearly. Sometimes I really do wish I could be more of an easygoing person from scratch, so i wouldn't have to catch up with people's false presumptions. It's really weird you know. How strangers need to take time and dig hard to really get to know me or vice versa, yet those lucky people who settles easily around me could be amused by how open I really am. It's not fun not being able to pick who you want to open up to. It just happens, if it does, get it?

That is something I have been wanting to change about me. But whether I try or not, this personality is going to stay. Maybe in someways, it isn't that much of a disadvantage. I should find a way to use it and get through it without leading to an awkward cause.