Often times, I come accross names that strike me and get me to think. Could be on facebook, on my messenger’s contact list, and anywhere else you name it. And what just might that thought be?

I would find myself thinking,..
Man how are they doing?

I used to sleepover at her house so often. We used to hang out together. We used to fight over silly things then make up and laugh about it. We used to talk about the universe all through the night. She was the one who dyed my hair red, and made me smile, knowing no one could’ve done it better. We used to like the same guy, but stayed as best friends. They were the ones who I always go to my favorite park with. I used to have a little crush on him, and he secretly did too, we fought a lot and would always regret it afterwards. We used to send each other letters & postcards without considering the distance between us. He used to tell me all his problems, his love life, and had always come to me to ask for encouragements and solutions. He was the one who would listen to me and give me encouragements and solutions, and that would always be there when I needed company. They were the ones who would cry with me and laugh along with me. She used to phone me everyday and talk about anything at all. They used to put their arms around me and said ‘You are my best friend.. forever’.

Surely, the list will go on forever.

It’s so sad that they’re all only used to’s.
And what sentence would most likely come after that?
But now…
But that was before…
But then…
But it was because of…
But we were young…

Some of them might have stayed ‘the same’ like as your best friend for instance. Well according to my experience, the tag would remain.. but in reality, they do change, how they’re behavior gradually changes, how they treat you would slightly change. Perhaps some of you don’t notice it, some pretend they don’t feel or see the changes for the sake of how bad you want to keep their position as how it is, and some might see it in an obvious way and start to frown and begin to reminisce what you had.

The most common thing that causes the changes to relationships is separation. And the causes of separation are time, distance, and new environment & influences.

I hate having to start over again. Once there’s separation, that would mean I have a new place to adapt to and hang tough to find new people to replace the ones I had, even though I know there wouldn’t be any to suit as such replacements. It is a sad thing knowing I will be going through that (for the umth-time in my life) any time soon while I also know the unborn group of friends of mine will have to part some time in the end. Then you’ll watch the same cycle spin around you all over again.

So you find precious friends, and they end up being not as precious in the end. You call them your best friend. Then you will call someone new a ‘best friend’ in the future. In formal English, or any other language apparently, there are no such things as two ‘best’s.. there’s only best and second best. As I have mentioned, you might name them your best friend forever, but as you create distance, you will eventually change the reality and the actual meaning of the position as so-you-call your bestfriend.

But there’s nothing wrong with still hoping your current favorite people will stay as they are and will stil do their duties as your best friend. That’s okay, it comes naturally I guess.

These days, I’ve been looking at the faces whom I see everyday and who are always on my side. After a talk, a laugh, or just warm silence, I would stare into their eyes, glance at their faces and wonder if they’d do or be the same as the friends I had in my past. Will they change that much? Then I would stare into their eyes and beg in mind for them not to change and that we could have that moment we’re having again in the future. Meanwhile, I must keep in mind to enjoy every moment and avoid complaining however shitty things get. I’ve been complaining a lot lately, please do remind me to cut it out.

Time can be evil.

There's No Such Thing as Best

4/08/2010 07:05:00 PM

There's No Such Thing as Best

Ideation Wishline

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Oh yes.... finally all the freakin' things that have been taking my life away from me are (almost) done. All there is for me to do is wait for a couple of announcements and the school final exam. Now I can sigh my lung out! Anyway, I haven't been posting since forever, but if any of you follow my tumblr, you can see that I've been updating it more often than this blog right here (although most of them are just reblogs). Maybe I'd still come back once in a while to write my deep thoughts here. But really, since I've just stepped out of my monotone days, there's no story to share. Well, we'll have to see what comes ahead of me. I'll be in college in a couple of months, and I'll be moving to Bandung. That should make it quite a new adventure, ey?

I was thinking that a touch of random colors would be nice to celebrate my comeback ;)

Back On the Ground

4/03/2010 10:11:00 PM

Back On the Ground

Artwork

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I wasn't gonna write about it.. but it's still buzzing in my mind. I still can't imagine how it'd be losing the people I love in one blink. You see, I used to put it this way; the script in movies are always made up.. sometimes they get too exaggerated -- and yes, I used to think those explosions in action films and those cliche romance, are average things that happen in every movie.. and aren't things that they take up from reality (not exactly unlikely to happen in real life but you know when you find those movie-trademark acts).

I used to think of death that way. Death used to be so far from my surrounding up until my grandparents' death and my uncle's lethal sickness. It all becomes so real now. Furthermore, having to hear what had happened to my close friends last night, I take back my theory about movies. So they do apply to real life, like they literally happen, mostly taken from actual happenings.

I begin to believe more that death happens. Anytime God wants it to. How ever you think it probably won't anytime soon. But we have to face the fact, it happens.

The phone call I got last night gave me a sudden shock. They got in an accident. A serious car crash. Come to think of how their car could land upside down, I panicked. All those movie scenes came dashing through my mind (frankly, that was what I had in mind). It's hard for me to say this, but it was a near-death experience. They could've died just like that. So I THANK GOD they're still given the chance to live. I don't know how else I can describe this. I won't feel collected until I see them (which until now I haven't). Until I meet them.

That was one other instance to make me realize life isn't that static after all. Sometimes we do have to go through explosions, saving others life from fire, some corny romance, and typical high school dramas. Even the wildest things could happen to anyone of us. Maybe we are playing in a movie. A movie where we don't know the plot and what happens ahead of us. Have you ever thought of it that way?

Another lesson I've learned is that we have to be thankful for whatever chance we're given. Even the smallest chances. You never know what fate brings. You never now when you'll fall. And most of all, be thankful for the life you're given. No matter how things go wrong.. know there's always someone who goes through worse times, even though there are also a lot of people who seem to own a better life. I tell you, sometimes those people also come across the thought of how they're life isn't the best, they do feel somewhere in the middle too sometimes. I hope you do believe in Nobody's perfect.

Don't waste your tears! Smile while you can. Tell people you love them, while you can. Make your parents proud while you can. Apologize to ones you've hurt while you can. You name it, the list can go on forever. But the one thing that's got to be written is: Enjoy every single second of life... while you can!

Treasure Your Life

1/24/2010 09:11:00 PM

Treasure Your Life

Experience Ideation

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How was your first day of January this year? Well, I don't usually bring up typical, average new year wishes and share about how I celebrated it. And really, I don't usually come up with resolutions on new years. Tried it a couple times, but I always end up forgetting about 'em already by the 2nd week of January.

Well for short, I did have a fun countdown with my friends. But I must say, I feel like the vibe of new year seems to fade out more each year. Oh yes, it's something to be thankful for.. how we're given another year to live (hopefully if it lasts).. but this year I came across the thought of how it's just another year, back to January, and that the next day would still be friday. I don't mean to be a grouch, and it's sad to know I came across that feeling. But hey, it must've crossed my mind for only a blink. However, like anyone else, I do hope 2010 will be better than last year. And not like any of the past years, this year I do have plenty of wishes and expectations. I hope for all the success and the accomplishments throughout the couple last months of 12th grade.

I want to be more of an eager person, I want to get into all the best universities I have applied to, and simply pass all kinds of exams with fulfilling results. That, of course, is the top of my stack of wishes.

I guess that's all for my first post this year. I do wish you a happy 2010! :)

It isn't new, it's just back to start

1/02/2010 08:34:00 PM

It isn't new, it's just back to start

Periodic Wishline

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