You laid out a smile for the world to see
Hoping it would reach souls sincerely

You stare at unfortunate individuals
Picturing yourself in their shoes and rituals

You observe other beings around you
Guessing and supposing their life issues

You try to tell yourself you’re not alone
But only to find you’re lonely and just lost your throne

The constant battle in your head
The phrases no one actually said

The lack of confidence and the misunderstanding
The blame, the emotions and the self demanding

The negative impressions and the silent yelling
The wrong expectations and the storytelling

It is you, it is all you.
You eat up what you thought you’d be happy with
Like the black lady spider and the say of ancient myth

It is you, it is all you.
No wonder no one understood you and keep walking by
You sit busily thinking so hard, you thought you had tried

No one could see through your skin.
No one will ever let you win.

As long as you contain the war in you,
You’ll stay invisible and blue.

No wonder you’re so angry all the time
No wonder you’re always left behind

Stop feeling so unloved, worthless and worried
For that noun never made sense in all of history

You’ll  be fine.
You’ll meet another kind.

Another Kind

6/14/2015 11:38:00 AM

Another Kind

Ideation Love Poetry

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She had dreams.

She had painted the meadows blue

She had tinted the ocean green

But she didn't realize there was more than switching hue

But sure, she had dreams.

...

She thought she had dreamt.

She could've whisked through pink fields

She could've floated in apricot sea

Although it wasn't quite an attempt,

Oh, she had dreamt.

...

There could be a wilder sphere

But she kept moving in a direct current

Glee is spread other than here

But she's still stuck in the current

Keeps dreaming, but oh, has she learnt?

...

She continues dancing with feet buried in dirt

What a fool,

Choosing to wander in a bare desert.

Sand Dunes

1/14/2015 11:23:00 PM

Sand Dunes

Poetry

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The sounds, the movements.. they surround me
At first they dance, ungracefully.
Then, before I could process an image,
I feel flashes, bright flashes strike my eyes
These individuals are needles trying to prick me
They leave me dazed as they present their show around me
Funny how I take up much horror as they glide peacefully
My head orders to grin, but I feel the face scrimage
With hate and doubt, how will good rise?

The sky, the ground.. nothing in between
All I see is the flashing
All I feel is myself and the sharp touches
Well how nice, at least I can feel myself.

All I do is wait here.
I wait.
I mute myself.
My mind wanders off to to pick up an amusing finding.
My lips start to follow orders.
Oh. I think I'm staying.
Rather would I.
Here. In Dream.

Traum

3/23/2014 01:32:00 AM

Traum

Ideation Poetry

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I see people struggle to win themselves a place for their future
Yet there’s people who still can’t sense how close the borderline is
and choose to stick with their playtime and defer accomplishments

I envy people who get what they want and clearly not what they need without even having to make an effort to earn it
Yet there’s people who strive for it expecting all the hard work would pay off but just to find they didn’t work hard enough to get it

I find that friends could love you just the same as lovers could, or could care more
Yet I don’t get why there’s people obsessed with love, assuring themeselves that without being with a lover, you’d be stuck with loneliness

I know people who pretty much have enough things to be content with
Yet they keep messing with others to get more of what they already have, not considering of how that would negatively affect the person

I sense people who secretly dislike others and often talk behind their backs
Yet they smile widely and give hugs to them when they’re around

I see people who takes advantages of cyberspace especially those social networks
Yet they pretend to forget that there’s reality and what to do with it

I keep hearing people complain about anything at all
Yet it’s clear enough they would regret having complained about it

I feel like people shift apart in circles
Yet they only come to other circles when they’re desperately in need

People. The world. Ever thought about more shame for us all to fall into?

Needless to say, I may be drowning in one or more of these. You definitely are too. 

Then who would reach out a hand to get us all out?

(7/7/11) 

People

4/25/2012 02:17:00 AM

People

Ideation Poetry

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Repeating the words that got tossed to my face..

How they barged in, trying to get to my senses,

But only a few made it there.

With no room for hope but rather enough for suspense

It wasn't getting anywhere

Free falling, shakes and trembles

How I never thought I would see such motions

A surprise for a show of fragility

The air danced in party of bursting emotions

Feeling lifted, carried further from reality

But no, the heart knows that you're actually drawn closer

The sunrise I had in mind hid behind another mountain

That mountain may belong to you, I suppose

For you see much more light on that other side

Speaks of confusion, but showing wills to impose

Knowing you must, but still buried in fright

What did you expect me to do?

Have you come across how my theories work?

In the end, still looking for something to blame

Because I was demanded to obey and believe

What's best based on your previous shame

At all cause neither ways trot to relieve

So what's the use of all this rain?

You know, you want, you think.

They know more, they say they told me so.

I knew nothing. Still knows nothing.

Except for questions and wonders,

asks of plots and aims of the show.

But there's no use to continue the bawl

Poor behavior and mental friction

Creates the idea that came from an oddball

Hence permanent contradiction

Is the reason to approve the fall

But why am I still to whine in distress?

I still know what I want.

I still want what I wanted.

Without thinking what I would really want

Once I wake up to reality

So hurry and shock me

Make me jump out of this armed seat

I'm overwhelmed in defeat

But the buckles are loosened one by one

A little more, then they'll let me run

So I start to brighten as I hold

Preparing for the go

Although everything's still cold

I settle for a good night sleep

Strengthening the will to break this mold

Trying to.. want nothing more to keep

Even for a moment so young, barely deep

Phantom

3/08/2012 09:54:00 AM

Phantom

Love Personal Distraction Poetry

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And all those significant events that just passed. Was going to write about them. But then I decide they're much too negative for me to bethink. Why jot it down in my timeline? I might as well bury it deep.

Grey clouds merge together.

The skies wrinkle, dropping down real fast.

I ducked, expecting the mass to collapse down on me.

For what seems like a moment succincted, I waited.

Nothing happened.

I carefully looked up.

My eyes leaped over their fears,

My heart sunk in surprise

The mind could not expound the occuring

It suddenly becomes cold.

Somehow I know I'm wrapped in warmth,

Yet a crisp of frost is felt on the tips of my fingers.

I like it.

I know I'm in comfort, but am still able to be aware of trouble around me.

Not fully vulnerable, not fully able to rest peacefully.

Still cautious.

Still surrounded by worries.

At least I'm safer here.

In my world.

*

Gathering Self

12/13/2011 11:28:00 AM

Gathering Self

Ideation Poetry

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Trying to be wise
But instead I caught up with lies
The thought became melting ice
Still, can't be bought with such a price
Why is it always so hard for me
Yet others posses it easily

I whine I cry I sweat
Yet they don't give on how I felt
Again why don't they have to try hard
To gain such and various awards
All along patience waited on the edge
But soon I must pass on my own pledge

So I have to think it over
Gradually letting in the chance remover
Cause I might not want it that bad
From what I've been through and what I had
It's the same pattern, same old scene
So I probably ain't so keen
And just watch it
Is it worth it?
I'm much better than that
I know.
It's just another guilt, fakely intoxicating

...I smile as I read what I was stating :)

A Slight Rush in Mind

3/05/2009 09:36:00 PM

A Slight Rush in Mind

Ideation Personal Distraction Poetry

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I've been sick these last 3 days. It started with a high fever, and I'm not liking it. Not the right timing at all.. I'm supposed to be off to Jogja on Monday evening.. so I better get weeeeell soooooon! Oh God, please let me.

So today I'm actually taking care of my boredom. I was digging through my old stuff. I found some things I created years ago... It's funny you know, some of them make me go 'whoa was that me who made it?!' that could mean from.. ew to that's coolness! or just this is damn nonsense. But honestly, I haven't been really poetic or to be exact really creative... these last few years. These old things I found remind me I used to always write down my thoughts and feelings anyhow.. usually they were songs for people I love, or even sketches of people I hate (I know too much for me to even care). Well I just wanna share some.. *darn it i lost the date on most of it

Note: some may be a little gushy and wtf-y but oh well.. I'm 16 now, and how old was I a few years ago? :)


Ich kann dich nicht vergessen, du bist immer in meinen gedanken; alle gedanken in meinem kopf werden mit bildern von dir abgebildet,
... Es kommt einfach zu mir um mich zu belästigen weil es mir scmerzt wenn ich and dich denke.. Aber irgendwie, gibt es mir einen grund zum weinen, zum leben, und zu lieben.
Obwohl di ehrinnerungen nicht erzetzt werden können, kann ich immer noch lächeln wenn ich mich and deine lächeln erinnere.Danke dass du mich bemerkt hast, obwohl ich es nie realisiert habe. du warst der einzige der mich zum tiefsten loch bewahrt hat. Du hast mir auf geholfen, du hast mich unterhalten, du hast mich wieder zum lächeln gebracht!

Can't believe I really felt that way.. I mean when I read it now.. it seems soo... deep. Like I sank into my feelings.. whoa. For whoever that was.. I don't understand what you had, man.. ckck.

------

I'm inside this circle
A forever-lasting boundary
Only breakable by a miracle
And it's such a fogged up scenery
I always thought I was happy
But there would always be something missingMaybe I need a therapy
Critics don't make me feel alright
I'll travel through space
And when I come back
Everything better be back in place


------

I'll scribble on my wall
Cause that's how you can tell
Whether or not I'm crazy..

Trip me and let me fall
Then I can tell
If I'm standing on solid ground
Take it or leave it all
Then let's go and see
If you'd turn around

Seal your lips,
I know you're trying to think of excuses
No words skipped
You're trying to distract me with muses
But'm not gonna fall for that
.

Pointless, Thoughtless, I guess

1/24/2009 11:02:00 AM

Pointless, Thoughtless, I guess

Artwork Poetry

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